probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
