I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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