Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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