break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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