I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
