Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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