Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
