Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
