My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
