do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
