Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
