after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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