Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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