Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
