i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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