i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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