I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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