thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize