These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
