I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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