lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
