I've blown a few things in my day
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
