Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
