is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
