I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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