On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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