we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
