she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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