I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
