what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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