yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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