Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
