I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
