pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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