Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
