my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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