i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
