Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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