I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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