youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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