I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
