i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
