i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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