Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
