According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
