I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
