Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
