Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
