I wish I could punch you in the face.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
