somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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