Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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