Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
