GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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