I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
