Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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