UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
