You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
