I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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