Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
