Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
