Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
