I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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