just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
