either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
