yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
